Healer

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that’s within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

Sometimes our God can feel so distant. In the midst of this fallen world, it seems as though everything falls to pieces. And occasionally it feels as though it’s nearly impossible to hold on to our Lord’s promise.

But when we’re emotionally drained and at the end of our rope, or we feel like we can’t hold on anymore, our God will provide. He will give you freedom, life, love, and hope.

This is my prayer in the desert
Where favor and providence flow
I know I’m filled to be emptied again
The seed I’ve received I will sow.

Captives Come Home

I’m updating this for Lizzy. Maybe it’ll get me back in the groove of things.

Hi Lizzy (:

I kinda miss blogging 😛

This is War

This is war like you ain’t seen.
This winter’s long, it’s cold and mean.
With hangdog hearts we stood condemned,
But the tide turns now at Bethlehem.

This is war and born tonight,
The Word as flesh, the Lord of Light,
The Son of God, the low-born king;
Who demons fear, of whom angels sing.

This is war on sin and death;
The dark will take its final breath.
It shakes the earth, confounds all plans;
The mystery of God as man.

-Dustin Kensrue

Thanks for showing me these lyrics lex 😀

Breathing in a new mentality

I’ve been talking a lot about college the last couple days. My plans were to stay here, go to Leavell college, and intern at CBG, but Pastor Matt says I’m too smart to stay down here.

I dunno how I’m gonna afford college, but I know if God wants me there he’ll provide a way. Even though Leavell is really cheap, I feel like if I go there I’m just going for a piece of paper. If I go to college full time and live on campus I’d be meeting people for networking and growing in my faith a lot.

I want to get something out of college more then anything. I’ve really been looking at Liberty in Virginia. It’s more conservative then I’m used to but I’ve always liked the idea of dressing up for church. I wish I could do it more.

I can’t wait to get out of Florida now. I want to get out of high school so much. I feel like I’m just killing time, because honestly I’m not really learning anything that will help me in the world. I love my math classes like all get out, but calc and physics won’t really help me every day as a pastor.

And Matt thinks I’m settling by being a pastor, and thinks I should be a doctor or something at the same time. But God’s called me to full time ministry and i really don’t think I care about how he feels about it. Or my dad. My dad doesn’t approve but at least he’s accepting of it.

The Air That I Breathe

I was afraid and insecure, but God helped me overcome.
I was complacent, but God helped me overcome.
I was self-centered, but God helped me overcome.
I was anxious and overwhelmed, but God helped me overcome.
I had a fear of failure, but God helped me overcome.
I was lustful, but God helped me overcome.
I was average, but God helped me overcome.
I was angry and confused, but God helped me overcome.
I wasn’t whole, but God helped me overcome.
I was fearful of God’s call in my life, but God helped me overcome.
I was depressed, but God helped me overcome.
I identified myself through the ways of the world, but God helped me overcome.

We will overcome,
By the blood of the lamb
And the word of our testimony
Everyone overcome.

Who needs air?

I haven’t blogged in probably a couple weeks, but I care way too little to actually check the date. And I shouldn’t be blogging anyways. It’s really the least of my worries when I’ve got three days to get a totally different message down. I think Travis and Matt pushing it up a week is really testing my faith. I feel like I won’t get it done, not at all. It’s forcing me to wholly and completely trust in God’s will, knowing only he can get it done.

That’s not what’s bothering me right now though. I’ve got a nagging feeling tugging at me, and I can’t figure out what it’s from. My life is pretty stress free for the most part. Heck, I spent most of today hanging out with some of the coolest people I know (but Alvarez would disagree). Oh well, I’ll figure it out.

Last night I spent a couple hours with some friends at wendy’s, of all places. We talked about middle school, our pasts, and our futures. And for all of the joking it made me realize how much we’ve changed. How Johnathan and I had sailor mouths, and now want to be pastors. About that girl from camp two years ago – I don’t even know her name – that showed me how sacred some things are. I guess from it all, what I took away more then anything else is that I was really insecure a few years ago. I relied on myself for everything, didn’t take anything seriously. And deep down I was hurting, I guess.

And I guess I got lucky. I could’ve gone the wrong way. It’s really sad how someone I used to be good friends with at that time is in a totally opposite direction from me. She dropped out, does drugs, and can’t find a job. I invited her to come hear me speak though, we’ll see how that goes.

I’m so glad I gave my life to God. I turned my life around through him and when I found security in him, I wasn’t hurting at all. I’ve found eternal joy. So no matter what stress I face now, even if I can’t figure out what it’s from, I know that God will help me through it.

I’m drowning, but I don’t care.
When you’ve got what I got, who needs air?

I never knew the world until I saw it through your eyes
I never knew myself until I ripped off my disguise.

Laugh and Love, Live Free and Sing

When life is in discord, praise ye the lord.

I’ve been dealing with a lot of different and conflicting emotions lately. Somehow God’s granting me the peace of mind to rise above it all. It’s kinda like I’m feeling the emotions and situations, but I’m not. I dunno how to explain it really.

It’s been pretty chaotic dealing with all the stuff (or not), and I could really use some prayer. If you wanna know specifics I’d be more then glad to talk about it one on one.

Keep in mind they’re not all bad xD

The Smile, The Face

The person you claimed to be
Is not who haunts me now.

I know these words are weak and young,
But broken as I come undone..
And While I drown in these mistakes
Your ego swells, but I can tell
You know that you’re a fake.

Heroes!

So I’ve been thinking about what I should speak about. I mean I know I have to go on the topic of “Heroes,” and I have a rough outline of what I’m to speak about (so does Johnathan woo!) but it’s really made me think about who my heroes are. And, without being specific enough to give my whole talk away, here are my heroes.

• Moses – Overcame his demons of self doubt.
• Saul/Paul – He overcame his past and the doubters.
• Spencer Chamberlain – He’s the lead singer of Underoath, my favorite band. He overcame addiction.

I had  bunch of stuff written out for this blog but I didn’t wanna give it all away so yeah. That’s what I can say for now (:

Burn out brighter…

If I could go back to last thursday when i got beat up, I would fight back with every ounce of energy in my body. I don’t even care if I got pummeled, knocked out, or maybe even stabbed. I would rather my eyes be swollen shut and have broken bones then do what i did that night. Maybe if that happened I wouldn’t be so bitter. I can’t get over my anger even though I know I need to. I’ve got so much hate inside of me right now that i can barely take it.

And that other thing. But I won’t go into that.

It all gets worse every day.